"My Boyfriend's Friends All Hate Me"

Even if you get along great with your significant other, getting along with their friends can be a different story. Redditor wakeupcharlie recently learned this when she overheard her boyfriend James' friends talking about her.
"Their main complaint was that I'm a vapid, girly, brain-dead 'culture zombie' because of the things I'm interested in," she wrote. "They think I'm stupid and boring, and the things I like are embarrassing and dumb." They judged her for liking trashy TV shows, mystery novels, makeup, and pretty much anything that's not considered intellectual, though the things they're into don't exactly sound like the epitome of high culture either. They're "really big into the whole geek culture trendy fad thing. Video games, [A Song of Ice and Fire], Zombie Walkers, Star Wars, etc.," she explained—which she has no problem with, but they have no right to take issue with her interests either. How should she deal with her boyfriend's friends? Should she even care what they have to say? Here's what Reddit told her:"James's friends sound like they might be the type of people you just can't please. Even if you did like video games, you'd probably like the wrong ones. If you liked the same TV shows, you'd probably have the wrong opinion or critiques about them. Some do this because they consider themselves gatekeepers, but some are and would do it anyway probably because they're jealous of James and his relationship with you. Don't sweat it. James's opinion is the only one that matters." —hellafitz"I opened this thread thinking James and his friends spent their weekends in falconry and translating Aramaic into Middle English for fun or something. Their interests are just as mainstream as yours and they're living in a world of delusion if they feel like some kind of highly intellectual keepers of an elite tradition. The ONLY difference between what they like and what you like is that by and large, they like Boy Things and you like Girl Things and they have the mindset that Boy Things are important and Girl Things are crap." —Akavinceblack"You are dating James, not his friends. James obviously loves you for who you are, even if you don't share some mutual interests. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone, especially not the condescending jerks he calls his friends. Just keep doing your thing and own it. Not everyone will like you in life. It's OK. What matters is that you love yourself. If James seriously thought that of you, then he wouldn't have been a lovely boyfriend for over two years. Hold your head up high, girl!" —Anodynic"You should wait until they're all together and then saying something like, 'Hey, guys, I don't want to start a whole conversation about this and I don't mean to make anyone uncomfortable, but I overheard you talking about me a few days ago and basically saying I was a vapid airhead because my interests are different than yours. It hurt my feelings, particularly since I've made an effort to appreciate your interests even though they are different than mine. I can be smart and interesting while also enjoying shows about women and their relationships. I can be smart and interesting and also care about fashion and make-up. It hurts my feelings that all of you think otherwise. Why can't I have different interests from you without losing your respect? Why do your stereotypically masculine interests automatically make you more interesting and less vapid than my stereotypically feminine interests?'" —mogotogo"Point blank—they're sexist. They don't realize how they are suckers for targeted marketing." —rainbowbarfff"There's nothing wrong with your interests. They are perfectly normal. Make sure your BF sticks up for you." —sagittamusic

14 Day Dates You'll Actually Want to Go On

If you’re being honest, Netflix and chill turned into Netflix and hibernate for you right around the time sweaters entered your outfit rotation. But now that it’s warmer out, there’s really no excuse to spend all weekend curled up on the couch. It’s always fun to make dinner plans, but why not take advantage of the sunshine by spending the afternoon with bae or that cute guy from Bumble? Here are creative ideas to get you thinking outside brunch.
1. Go on a taco crawl. Companies offer a variety of walking food tours highlighting an area’s grub, from ice cream to pizza, but you can also get creative and make up one of your own. Try to hunt down the best taco in your neighborhood…or the best hamburger or doughnut.2. Hit up a baseball game. There are usually enough lulls in a baseball game that you can engage in a great conversation without missing any of the action. Plus, lots of parks now have tons of non-hot-dog-and-beer options, from barbecue and seafood stands to cocktail lounges. No MLB team in your area? Check the schedule for your local minor league or college squad.3. Lounge at a hotel. Some hotels offer day rates, which allow you to check in during the morning and spend the afternoon by the pool or at the spa. Or you could curl up under the covers and indulge in some hotel sex.4. Explore a nearby town or neighborhood. We all can’t spontaneously fly to Nashville like on Master of None. But driving or taking the train to an unfamiliar nabe could be just as exciting. Take a cue from Robin: While walking around, she and her fiancé will take turns picking which shops to pop into. You’ll get to know a new area—and each other—better.5. Ride every ride at an amusement park. A trip to Adventure Land will quickly make your S.O. forget his stressful week or bring out the silly side of a new guy. As Lauren O. explains, “I’m into guys that don’t take themselves too seriously, so amusement parks help me gauge their ability to go with the flow and loosen up around me.” 6. Sip suds on a brewery tour. Sitting at your usual table at your usual bar can get a little flat. But at a brewery, you can find your new favorite IPA and finally learn what a hop is. A visit to a vineyard or distillery is just as appealing and will also make you two feel sort of fancy. 7. Take a class… You can usually find discounts online for all kinds of learning opportunities—crafting, flying, dancing, anything. Cheryl would love to take a date to a cooking class: “It’s great because you’re doing something interactive. Plus, it can ease some of the getting-to-know-you discomfort to have other people around. It takes some of the pressure off.” 8.…Or try something new on your own. You don’t need a teacher present to pick up a new skill. One of you can take the lead or you can bond while trying to figure it out together. Has one of you mentioned an activity you’ve always wanted to pin down? Jessica was smitten when a guy invited her to an archery range after she expressed her inner desire to be Katniss Everdeen. Not only was she amped to go all Hunger Games, but it also made her realize how thoughtful he was.9. Stroll through a botanical garden. Municipal gardens usually offer rotating exhibits and themed tours—which have “New Instagram Photos!” written all over them. Plus, few things are more romantic than meandering through a field of roses (or whatever’s in bloom). If you don’t live near a specialty garden, don’t underestimate how much pretty you can find at your local gardening center.10. Wander through a flea market. You’ll get in a full day of casual walking and talking without spending any money, and you might discover some one-of-a-kind treasures along the way. “The items tend to be unexpected and odd,” says Cara, who attends local fleas with her husband. “It’s fun to browse, discuss, and people watch!” Bonus: Food trucks often park nearby.11. Take in an outdoor concert. Many communities host open-air performances ranging from large festivals to small gigs once temps begin to rise. Dust off your flower crown and dance together in the dirt or pack a picnic and cuddle in the grass near your local band shell. 12. Soak up some culture. Museums are an old standby, but how about visiting a science center or an outdoor sculpture exhibit at a park or on a college campus? Leslie likes how both offer enough to discuss to keep the conversation going on a first date even if you realize you two don’t have much in common.13. Act like kids Shoot hoops at the gym. Let out your inner child at an arcade. Show off your backhand (and how good you look in white) on the tennis court. Throw darts at a dive bar. You’ll have an awesome time and catch a glimpse of his competitive side. Plus, sometimes a girl wants an excuse to bro out. “Enjoying sports with guys is fun for me,” says Lauren P. “I have a lot of girlie-girl friends, so I don’t always get the chance to do these things.”14. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Nurture the soft spot you share for furry friends by lending your time to a local shelter. Depending on the facility’s rules and programs, you may be able to help with washing the animals before adoption, walking dogs, or providing staff support. The buzz from all that altruism might guide you to set up other do-gooder weekends, like knocking on doors for your presidential candidate of choice or stocking shelves at a food pantry.

8 Surprisingly Awesome Date Ideas From Pinterest

If you think of Pinterest and automatically envision a #pinterestfail, you’re not alone. The site has led to countless botched crafts, impossible-to-execute recipes, and ambitious home improvements that are probably better suited for professionals.
But when it comes to your love life, Pinterest is surprisingly full of inventive date ideas that you’ve never thought of before. The best part? You can try these at home without spending a ton of money, or lighting something on fire. Here are a few of our favorites, give ‘em a try!:1. Date Night Under the Stars Instead of camping or glamping in a tent, snag a kiddie pool that you and your significant other can fit in. Blow it up, fill it with pillows and blankets, and spend the night staring at constellations.2. Take a Wild Ride Let a penny dictate your date-night destination. Simply ask your partner to choose a number between 10 and 20; this is the number of times you flip the coin. Every time you come to an intersection, flip the coin (heads is right, tails is left). After you’ve flipped the coin the amount of times your partner chose, stop the car and make a date wherever you are.3. DIY Bowling Alley Bowling alleys mean smelly shoes, sharing your lane with strangers, and constantly waiting for your favorite bowling ball to pop out of the chute. Simplify things by making your own bowling alley—Pinterest style. Stock up on empty water bottles, put a few lit-up glow sticks in them, and use a volleyball or soccer ball to try to knock them down.4. Q&A Session This might be the easiest idea you haven’t thought of yet: Interview your partner. One pin has a list of 1,831 questions to help you each get to know each other a lot better. Here’s a quick sampling: What is your favorite memory of dating me? What’s the accomplishment you are most proud of?5. Stage a Fun Competition Pinterest offers a few ideas for this fun date-night twist. Head over to a local dollar store and invest in either Nerf guns, balloons you can fill up with water, or paintballs. Next, stage the scene: Leave a note for your S.O. at the door, provide them with the appropriate ammo, and then it’s game on!6. Go Around the World in One Night Get a large map and use it as your table mat for the night. Choose five destination cities and let them inspire your appetizers, main course, and dessert for a multi cultural dinner at home. Think patatas bravas for a Spanish appetizer, Mexican fish tacos, and Turkish baklava for dessert. Put each country’s flag on its respective dish for an Instagram-worthy photo op, and enjoy a delish dinner from all over the world.7. Try a Seductive Role Play The most popular pin is a “Kidnap-and-Ranson” date night, where you surprise your spouse by “kidnapping” them and taking the lead from there. The date can lead straight to the bedroom, or include other activities. If your significant other isn’t into surprises, you might want to give them a heads up about this one! Try to stay in character ALL night.8. Host Your Own Film Festival Forget Tribeca Film Festival—and who needs Sundance anyway? Create your own film festival in your living room. Decide on a movie genre and choose a few movies neither of you have seen before. Pick a Saturday night when you don’t have much to do and schedule a marathon. Order in food, make popcorn, and kick up your feet.

Yup, Smell Dating Is a Thing

Looking for a mate is a full-sensory experience, much more than our conscious minds realize. When we meet new potential partners, our brains are scanning everything from taste and smell to looks and touch in a quest to make sure we pick an ideal match. (It's amazing how many aren't attuned to these cues, considering nature is our matchmaker!)
Cue smell dating.Like most trends, "smell dating" isn't exactly a new phenomenon. Our ancient ancestors relied on scent and other natural biological cues to weed out potential mates who may have been carrying communicable diseases. Today, the trend of following our noses is reemerging with smell dating parties and events nationwide. These events require participants to prep by wearing a T-shirt for three consecutive days unwashed. Then, the shirts are sent in and packaged by event organizers who present party guests with the bagged, worn, dirty, smelly shirts. This may not sound like the sexiest way to spend your Saturday night, but the process allows people to select matches based on new criteria: the scents they are most drawn to.I spoke with Alan Hirsch, M.D., the neurological director of Chicago's Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation to, well, sniff out this trend. According to Hirsch, scent is a primal and powerful factor in mate section. He says, "We all have our own unique odor signature based on our DNA.  There’s something called MHC—major histocompatibility complex. If someone's scent is too similar to our family members', we won’t be attracted. But if it’s too different, this is also problematic. Just like Goldilocks, if [the scent] is just right, it works."So, evolutionarily "smell dating" makes sense, because we don't want to pair up with someone too similar to us or our offspring may have genetic defects. Still, we can put too much emphasis on someone's smell and misread our compatibility based that. Hirsch has seen cases where scents that are too strong will generally be considered a turn-off. In other words, he says you will perceive someone as "good" or "bad," even if it's an artificial response based of someone's perfume, if that person's scent is too intense. He says that at smell-dating events, "People will look more negatively to those who have a major smell. In reality, men will sweat and have a stronger smell than most women. Things that affect scent include testosterone, aerobics and even disease states. These things will all affect and impact people's assessment."Thankfully, these days we've evolved and don't just rely on our noses when picking life-long partners. We require more information to assess true compatibility and we consider other cues including context and culture. So, consider following your nose and listening to your gut more when selecting a mate. Our bodies may give us at least initial clues to know whether or not we've found a good match.

"I'm Feeling Hopeless About Dating"

With hookup culture replacing the dating scene in many places, trying to find a deep, long-lasting relationship can sometimes feel like a hopeless endeavor. Lyssssp speaks for a lot of people when she asks Reddit, "Why is it always about sex? ALWAYS!"
The 26-year-old describes meeting guy after guy who just wants casual sex, even when they seem super compatible on an emotional level—and even when they say they're looking for more than a hookup. "After the fact, they will admit that they don't want a relationship—but ask (AND SOMETIMES BEG) that we continue to hook up," she wrote. "On top of all this, when I actually do engage, the sex I've been having feels really object-like—like there is zero intimacy and like it only benefits the male party."Is she doing something to bring this on herself, or is this just the way things are these days? Here's what Reddit thought. "Dating sucks. I am [a 28-year-old woman], and when I was about your age, I gave up on dating because I had the same experiences as you. ... So here's what I propose: It's time for a break from dating. About your age, I took a solid year off dating. I was tired of it always sucking, so I just took a year off. No Tinder, no OKC, no meeting in bars, none of it. And I took the time to focus on me. ... I found that a local zoo facility had a volunteer position and I love animals, so I applied and got accepted. ... When I had a new hobby in my life, it was time for me to work on myself and find my own independent happiness. ... About a year later I decided to try dating again. I quickly found somebody I dated for 14 months. ... Some eight to nine months after my last relationship ended, I ended up meeting a (sort of) co-worker of mine (sort of) through Tinder. It's finally been the best relationship of my life and has worked out beautifully because he adds to my happiness instead of creates it by being in my life." —FuckRelationshipsMod"I feel the dating 'game' is shifting more and more to hookup dates. Lots of dates I've been on are just poor excuses for one-night stands, and I believe a lot of people think this is the norm now. (I sound like an old-timer). So it is not you. My advice: No sex on the first three to five dates. This filters out the ones who are just doing it to get laid." —Tackbracka"Girl, I feel you 100 percent. This is why I consciously do not engage in anything sexual for a while. It does drive away a lot of guys, but I feel like those are just the ones I wouldn't want." —tracefog"Have a friend look at who you are agreeing to go on dates with because if it is happening all the time, you might not have the best filter. I dated lots of guys through Tinder and never had an issue with this." —Lifebox02"What are your hobbies, interests? Do you enjoy comics and video games, or would you rather a night of clubbing or a day trip to a museum? Ask yourself these things and go there looking to meet someone." —Haschel232"I'm a guy and feel the exact same way about the women I am dating. It sure is tough out there." —organicthoughts

"He Took Off the Condom While We Were Having Sex"

It is the most confusing thing when someone who's normally great turns around and does something sort of awful. That's what makes this Reddit post so depressing to read.
Confusedgirl897 writes of her boyfriend, "He’s smart, ambitious, and handsome. More importantly, he has a kind and generous heart. For instance, he takes time out of his extremely busy schedule (he works a lot) to help his younger cousin write college essays." She writes about several more admirable things he does, and you can't help but like the guy. But then, she drops this bomb:"Recently, I went off the birth control pill, because it wasn’t really agreeing with me. ... I told my boyfriend, of course, and I told him that we would need to use condoms from now on. ... We had sex, and I reminded him to put on a condom, which he did right away. But then, at some point, he…took the condom off? He did not ask me if he could, and I obviously would have said no, considering I explicitly asked him to put one on initially. Immediately afterwards (meaning, after he came), he apologized, because I think he could tell I was bothered by it. He said he thought I knew that he was taking it off and apologized, saying that he was just stressed and didn’t know if he’d have been able to finish with the condom on." Wait, what? Obviously, she doesn't feel super respected knowing he put his own "ability to finish" over her ability to, you know, not get pregnant. But everything else in their relationship is perfect, she says. Can they get over this? Here's what Reddit told her. "Purchase a copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting. Take a class on parenting. Or, stop having sex with someone who cares more about having a bareback ride than about you dealing with an unplanned pregnancy." —NoxWild"Wait three weeks and tell him you're pregnant. Don't actually do that. The bottom line is your boyfriend prioritized his temporary sexual pleasure over your health and safety. He knew exactly what he was doing. He knew it was wrong. He knew it could ruin your life. He just doesn't care. He's OK with ruining your life to orgasm. Personally, I would break up with him. A partner who doesn't respect you or care about you is one not worth having." —wemblewobble"At a minimum, sex is off the table until you have a discussion with him. Talk with him about how much this is bothering you because he disregarded the boundary you had set up beforehand. He absolutely cannot change the rules mid-play without your acknowledged agreement. Is it a relationship breaker? That's up to you. It is a big red flag that could potentially have life-changing repercussions. You need to tell him that because it is a really big deal." —InfiniteCobwebs"There is no way this is okay. Consenting to unprotected sex is one thing. Him doing it without your knowledge is another. This would be a deal breaker for me." —hyperventilate "Taking off a condom without letting you know is rape. Not kinda rape, not sort of rapey, not a pale shade of sexual assault, it's RAPE. ... Pretty much all evil people make their SOs incredibly happy. ... He risked you feeling violated and feeling raped for the rest of your life...for coming. This guy is trash and no amount of 'being nice' can excuse this sht." —milky_oolong* "OP, that is rape. It's legally referred to as 'rape by deception.' That's when the sex you consent to is not the sex that you get." —RememberKoomValleyIs there any way he can redeem himself at this point?

Why Working Out Together Is Scientifically Proven to Improve Intimacy

So you've been on a few dates with someone, and everything's gone well, but you're not feeling super connected. They seem great and you'd like to get to know that person better, but there's something missing. That might seem like a sign that it's not meant to be, but according to Colin Christopher, author of Manipulate the Date, this feeling could actually be a product of the dates themselves.
"If the activity is exciting, then the person doesn't have to work as hard at the conversation to emotionally connect," he says. While sitting and talking in a coffee shop can be one part of a date, sharing an activity can lead to a stronger bond. "Consider an activity that the two of you can really enjoy together and get immersed in," says Manhattan-based sex and couples therapist Cathy Beaton. "When you're both having fun, whether it's at a museum, on a hiking trail, or taking a cooking class, you'll be more relaxed and have an easier time relating, since you're focused on a shared interest outside of yourselves."Emotional health expert and NYC-based licensed psychotherapist Katherine Schafler says that going out of your comfort zone and doing something out of the ordinary can facilitate a lasting relationship. According to Schafler, these unconventional date activities can dial up the emotional connection:1. Go to a Turkish coffee cup reader. You may have never heard of this, but google "Turkish coffee cup reader" and the name of your city, and you'll be surprised by how common they are. Basically, it's a coffee date with a twist: When you're done with your cups, you'll see designs at the bottom that allegedly reveal your futures, and a coffee cup reader will explain them to you. "Trying something new together is a natural connector, and the coffee cup reader is used to doing all the talking, so it takes the pressure off your conversation," says Schafler. "Most importantly, it's a great way to springboard into conversations about what you want for your future, what your goals are, and what you're afraid of."2. Work up a sweat. There may actually be a scientific reason you see so many sports-themed dates on The Bachelor: things like sweating, increased heartbeat, and shortness of breath mimic sexual arousal and "can sometimes boost your respective levels of attraction, consciously or not," Schafler says. "Getting sweaty together also engenders connection because the endorphin high creates a positive association between you and feeling good." You can try rock-climbing or the craziest new fad class at your gym—really any sort of exercise will have the same effect. 3. Make something for your family or friends.File this under third or fourth-date fodder: Helping each other make something for your loved ones can invite laughs as well as heartfelt conversations. Schafler recommends creating care packages, baking goodies, or making cards. It might feel a little like you're back in Girl Scouts, but it provides "a chance for you two to chat about the people who are important in your life and what makes you feel good when you're bummed," says Schafler. "It's also a wonderful way to collaborate creatively about what to include, funny things to write in a card, etc."Ultimately, you can't force a connection if it's not there, and you can't deny one if it is. But if you're just trying to get over an initial hurdle, these activities should help close the distance.

The Dos and Don'ts of Online Dating, by Lady Dynamite's Maria Bamford

Maria Bamford is known for her honest, animated, and highly original standup—but, luckily for anyone who hasn't seen it, you can experience her fantastic comedic outlook from your couch, starting today. Lady Dynamite is her new Netflix comedy series, and Bamford's long dating career figures heavily into the fun. But it turns out that Bamford isn't just great at spinning her OkCupid days into funny story lines—she also happens to give amazing online-dating advice. Here are her best tips:
DON’T start looking for a relationship online until you’re actually ready for a relationship. "I think I went on at least 50 dates via the Internet. It could have been closer to 100. Had I kept a written record, there would have been a lot of entries that read, “Very nice guy.” Now that I’m married to my beloved Scott Marvel Cassidy—a painter and funny goofball—I look back and think I might have met someone earlier if I gave some of those guys a chance. I don’t think I was willing to work through my fears of responsibility and commitment and take the time and courage it takes to build a friendship with a boo."DO be real and specific in your profile—you’ll end up wasting less of your own time. "Up until the year I met Scott, I used the screen name 'FUNNY THOUGHTFUL.' It cast too wide a net. [Then I started using] 'HOGBOOK.' I love words, and I love those two words together. And I love the idea of writing a book about hogs and calling it 'hogbook.' With that screen name, I received just two responses: one from a pilot who wanted to inform me that a hog book is something pilots use, and one from Scott. My photos were all natural: one full body, one with a funny face (as a heads up, because it’s a daily occurrence) and one with my dogs."DON’T overlook free sites. "I only used OkCupid. I’ve been doing well financially for 15 years now, and I didn’t see any value in cutting out people who chose not to spend money or couldn’t afford to pay for dating sites. I want a partner in life and that doesn’t depend on income or outside fanciness."DO use your phone to do something other than text or email. "Chatting back and forth on email is good, but I think it’s also good to talk on the phone [before meeting in person]. It’s helpful in seeing if you understand each other. Over the phone, I’ve discovered language barriers I have with matches, or that they use the word 'hot' to describe everything. The phone has helped me avoid some uncomfortable coffee dates."DON’T obsess. "Set a timer to just [look at dating websites] 10 to 30 minutes a day or week, and then stop. Be kind to yourself—take a break if you’re tired—and be kind to others. Dating sites are like parties. Everyone is nervous, and some people are drunk or high. Don’t take it personally. If someone is weird, block him or her—and move on to the corner of the party where the vegetarian guy keeps winking at you."DO find yourself a “dating sponsor.” "I had a number of people—people who were in relationships I admired—whom I’d call before and after dates. That way, I wouldn’t feel so alone, and if it was slightly disastrous, I could laugh with someone later." DO trust your gut, but also…DON’T trust your gut. "My gut has been very off. In my gut, I have felt all of the following were 'the one': a bisexual meth user, an Australian clown, and a guy who refused to leave a restaurant after they [mistakenly] put mayo on his sandwich. My gut said that Scott was totally not my type, but what we had in common is that we’re both willing to try to love an accept and celebrate each other every day."DON’T let the ghosters get you down. "I have a friend who just had a whirlwind three-month romance with a guy. After introducing her to his kids, inviting all of us to dinner with his friends and talking about a future together, he ghosted. Totally weird, and yet it happens all the time. I have had it happen to me and, sadly, I have done it to others. Everyone is doing their best and sometimes, their best isn’t that good. But keep trying. If you find someone who is in it to win it—someone who’s committed, who you can laugh with—it’s really worth the risk."

Why Aren't Guys Investing More in Online Dates?

Trying to set up a date with a cute guy on Bumble recently had me all kinds of stressed out. We don’t live close to each other, but he’s routinely in my area for work, so I’d suggested we meet for cocktails or dinner before his nightly ride home. But he was insistent upon midday coffee.

During the week, he’d text me randomly that he might be done with clients on the other side of town at 4 P.M. that day, and could I grab coffee with him for a few minutes then? I’d tell him I was busy at work in the late afternoon, so no, but was he up for happy hour instead? He’d always say no and suggest we have coffee or lunch between his meetings on another workday. I’d even offered to visit his town on a weekend night, but he declined.
This went on for two or three weeks before I finally stopped replying to his texts. I began to feel less like a romantic option and more like a pesky intern or junior assistant he’d promised he’d squeeze into his workday—not exactly sexy. A few days later, I came across another guy on the app whose profile read, “Please know that our first meeting will be over coffee or tea only.” Huh? So is this a thing now? I told a friend about it, and she offered up a story of a Tinder match who’d just taken her to a buffet complete with plastic plates and cafeteria-style trays for their first date. He said they could go on a more "official," romantic date once they decided they liked each other—or, reading between the lines, when he figured out he liked her and she was worth it.I grew up hearing tales of men who tried super hard to impress a woman on a first date: putting on a nice outfit, bringing her flowers, taking her to the best restaurant in town. These stories implied the guys wanted to pull out all the stops to show they were worthy of a woman’s time and attention. So what changed? Why do women in 2016 now need to find love in Starbucks during an inconvenient 20-minute coffee break or prove ourselves before we’re upgraded to real silverware?According to licensed clinical psychologist Suzana Flores, Psy.D., author of Facehooked: How Facebook Affects Our Emotions, Relationships, and Lives, men these days aren’t doing as much to impress women because they don’t have to. “Before when men were wooing women, things weren’t easy,” she continues. “First impressions used to matter a lot. Now your first impression is [already made by your profile] on your smartphone.” Flores explains that the notion that we all are manipulating our profiles and photos in order to create a glittery illusion of who we are may be one reason men might not want to invest time and money in a proper date. Before online dating, a guy would meet a potential partner in person or through a friend. She likely wasn’t a complete stranger, so he knew what he was getting into. Today, a woman could show up and not look anything like her pictures or be way less outgoing than her “I’m an adventurer” profile lets on. So guys might be starting from an expectation of immediate disappointment, Flores explains, thinking, "I don’t have to put in effort up front because she’s probably not who she says she is."Plus, with myriad dating sites and apps available, there’s a seemingly endless pool of potential love connections all just a tap of a phone screen away. Guys on these sites probably aren’t dating just one person at a time, so they might be trying to fit as many quick meet-ups into their schedule as possible. But, Flores says, brevity is an enemy of intimacy: “If something is seen as brief, it’s no longer seen as valuable.” So my Bumble guy probably wasn’t too heartbroken that meeting me didn’t pan out since he probably had other coffee dates lined up. “If something doesn’t work out, you can find an immediate replacement in the swipe of a finger,” Flores says.The cons of this trend for women are pretty obvious, but one pro is that it lets you find out quickly who is willing to put in the effort to win you over, Flores says. And what about the cons for guys? Well, for one thing, she says, “men are denying themselves the opportunity to really get to know someone.” While we wait for them to realize this, women don’t need to sit around lamenting the digital revolution and resigning ourselves to poorly worded texts and afternoon lattes as long as we’re single. 1. Make the Rules Flores advises that we first take ownership of the role we play in the state of modern romance and move on from there. “Women have made it too easy,” she says. “We are buying into these rules. One thing women don’t know is that men don’t understand why we make it so easy. They get bored.” Flores says men often become fascinated by women with high standards, especially when, in their experience, other women will give in and just go along with what they want. Flores explains that there’s nothing wrong with telling a guy you’d prefer to meet for dinner not coffee, then standing by it. Although dating apps are seemingly geared toward player types, don’t forget that there are plenty of fish in the sea for a girl like you. “Don’t back down if he says no,” Flores says. “You have the option to move on too.” She says women should stop being so accommodating by continuing to accept brief encounters and meetings without substance. “Most men like for women to enforce boundaries,” she adds. “If you’re not OK with something, say so.”2. Stop Emailing and Texting Flores also would like to see singles get back to talking on the phone, something she asked her now husband to do after three emails when they met on a dating site. She says emails and texts don’t allow for the level of intimacy you can build when you hear someone’s tone and the emotion in their voice. Short bursts of written communication can be cold and distant and encourage miscommunication, especially at first.3. Value Yourself Know what your dating expectations are and stick to them. “Are you worth a continuous cup of coffee or are you worth more?” Flores asks. “Not just his time, but your time is important too.” And don’t think you’re being demanding by speaking up for yourself. The right guy will respect—and really like—that about you.“Women get to decide how far things go,” Flores says. “Men have to meet their standards. Women can swipe left too.”

These First Dates Are Most Likely to Lead to Marriage

If you want to form a lasting relationship, it might feel like there's a lot of pressure on that first date. But according to a new study by the dating site PlentyOfFish, you don't need to do anything extravagant with someone for you two to have long-term potential. In fact, of all the first dates people can go on, the most popular among now-married couples are the simplest.
The study, which included 1,100 former PlentyOfFish users who are now married, found that more than 65 percent of them went out for a meal or apps on their first date with the person who is now their spouse. The second-most popular date was going for a walk, followed by coffee or drinks—all minimalistic activities that make your conversation the main event. And, according to psychotherapist Katherine Schafler, that's what makes these dates so effective. "Less is more when it comes to first dates," she says. "The less complicated the interaction is, the more likely it is for a potential partnership to emerge because you're not distracted, leaving you more able to focus on the other person, how you feel around them, and whether an attraction is building." While there's something to be said for cute date activities, you might want to save these for the second, third, or fourth dates, when you've already gotten to know each other a bit more. Why? "When you choose big activities for a first date, it's possible you focus a little more on whether you like the activity as opposed to the person you're doing the big activity with," Schafler says.

Warning Signs You May Be Dating a Married Man

Think you’ve found the perfect man but some things just aren’t adding up? Is he a bit of a mystery? Sarah Symonds is a former mistress and author of Having an Affair? A Handbook for the Other Woman. She gives her tips for recognizing the signs that a man you’re dating may be married:

• You met in a bar. “If you are meeting for the first time in a bar, that doesn’t bode well. So many married men hang out in bars hoping to get lucky,” Sarah says.
• He has an indentation or tan line on his ring finger. When you first meet him, look for an obvious sign of a wedding ring that was just removed.
• He pays for dinners and drinks in cash. This could be because he doesn’t want a paper trail or credit card bust from his wife.
• He has more than one cell phone and won’t give you both phone numbers. “One is for his wife, and one is for his secret life,” Sarah says. Also note if he always goes outside to take private calls when he’s with you.
• He tends to call you while at the store, walking the dog, getting gas ” places he’s dashed out to in order to call. “These are places where he’s escaped the family home to go out and call you, his secret lover,” she says.
• He doesn’t reply to your texts for hours and is not available to talk freely in the evenings. He may ask you not to call after certain times. “It’s because he’s at home with his family and can’t answer,” Sarah says.
• He’s always busy on the weekends and doesn’t want to make plans for less than 10 days time. He can’t be spontaneous when he has a family to juggle.
• He doesn’t introduce you to his friends.
• He finds excuses for why he can’t invite you back to his place. “My main message to women out there who might fall for these things is to find a reason to go back to his place. If he won’t take you home, there’s a reason why,” Sarah says.

Sexual Styles that Don’t Match

Are you a once-a-week person, while your partner is wanting it three times a day? Does the difference in your sex drives cause problems in your relationship? A good sexual relationship is one that is gratifying to both partners … and Dr. Phil has some advice to get you there:

If your sexual relationship is not living up to your needs, stop complaining and start asking for what you want. This means you first need to look within to identify your needs. When you communicate, be specific.

Do you really know what your partner wants? Find out. Maybe you and your partner are not as far apart as you think. Talk about things when you are both calm and rational. Don’t blame each other; talk openly.

Relationships are about negotiation and compromise — and it never stops. Carve out time. Negotiate a plan that works for both of you. Behave your way to success. If you agreed to a plan and it’s no longer working for you, sit down together and negotiate a new plan. Partners rarely have the same level of sex drive at the same time. Negotiate for some middle ground that you can both be happy with.

Don’t base a relationship on sex. You need love, compassion and caring — and then sex can be a reflection of that. Don’t think of it in either/or terms: You can cuddle when it’s time for that, have an active sex life as well, and have tremendous love and respect for each other throughout.

Different people have a different language of love. For example, a lot of guys think, “I mowed the yard. Doesn’t that say I love you?” Are you speaking a language that your partner understands?

Look at your emotional needs because they affect your sexual relationship as well.

What sexual baggage did you bring to the relationship? For example, if sex defined previous relationships that failed, you may be reluctant to get too sexually active in a new relationship. Look at your history and learn from it.

Don’t use sex for the wrong reasons, and burden it or load it up with too much meaning. For example, it shouldn’t be a way to validate your partner. It should be an extension of the caring, feeling and respect you have for the other person.

What kind of excuses are you making? If it’s that your daughter is going to walk in, “put a cowbell on her,” says Dr. Phil. It’s OK to lock the door and tell your kids not to disturb Mom and Dad.

Remember that quality, not quantity, is the most important factor.

The choices you make have consequences. For example, if you choose to work, go to school and have a family, you may have very little left to invest in a sexual relationship. Change your behavior and decisions if you want different consequences. Try delegating responsibility if you’re too exhausted or over-worked for sex.

The quality of a relationship depends on how well it meets the needs of those involved. Consider your partner’s needs as legitimate, and look at how you can meet those needs. Don’t label your partner as being wrong or having something wrong with him/her because that dismisses the issue.

Ask yourself or your partner: Are you really too tired? Or are you just tired of him/her?

Are you getting him/her in the mood? If your version of foreplay is “Honey, brace yourself,” you may want to try doing things differently. You may need to work a little harder to motivate, inspire, seduce or attract your partner. If your wife is exhausted from a busy day of chasing kids around, try to do some things that will decompress her. Run a bath and let her relax while you put the kids to bed.  Even the smallest gesture can seem romantic to your partner.

Talk to your doctor for more information about whether biochemical and hormonal factors can be contributing to a low or high sex drive.

Online Dating Scams: How to Tell If You Are Being Baited by a Catfish

It’s easy for some of the smartest people to lose all sight of common sense when they’re being reeled in by a catfish: an online imposter who tries to win your sympathy — and your love — by creating an elaborate scheme. Award-winning technology reporter Kurt Knutsson, known around the country as Kurt the CyberGuy, shares his top ten reality checks to see if you’re being baited by a catfish.
If you identify with at least two of the below scenarios, Knutsson says you could be falling prey to a scam artist.
1. Dumb Date Data
Physical descriptions need to be proportional. For example, someone who is 6-feet tall usually does not weigh 90 lbs. Look for any other descriptions that don’t add up to the profile photo.
Tip: Ask them to take a photo holding a unique phrase or their own name on it and send it to you. Ask to have a live video talk using Skype or Facetime. Most of today’s smartphones, tablets and laptops come equipped with a built-in camera and/or video. Someone reluctant to speak on live video, claiming shyness or that they can’t find a camera, should be a red flag.
2. Profile Picture Test

Professional photos are a red flag. Look for amateur photos — and more than one.
Tip: Use a Google Goggles search on your phone to see if the photo they’ve shared with you can be spotted elsewhere online. If you see it shown with a watermark or in other settings like modeling websites, it’s likely a fake.
3. Become a Photo Detective

“This just takes it to the next level,” Knutsson says.
Look for detail in photos — wedding rings, locations, activities, time of day, how they are dressed — to see if it matches. Someone claiming that a photo is from a July 4th fireworks party, who is dressed in a fur coat, in daylight, might be a dead giveaway that someone is lying.
Tip: Using a free inspection service that shows the location and time that a photo was originally taken can shed light on a photo liar.
4. Cut and Paste Profile Alert
Introductory letters on dating websites are often copied by catfish scammers. See if the same information appears in other places or has been copied from someone else by searching for it online. Out-of-country scams often slip up here, revealing inconsistent information such as landmarks and cultural events that don’t add up. For example, someone claiming to be from St. Louis who isn’t familiar with the iconic Gateway Arch when questioned is likely a liar.
5. Spelling and Grammar Fail
Hear the words when you read their writing, and check their spelling and grammar. A line that sounds like it could be from someone in a far-off country but portraying themselves to be in your same city will usually have a local dialect misfire.
Real: “I just love the Macy’s Day Parade in the city.”
Foreign Faker: “I just love the Masey’s Daytime Parades in the cities.”
6. Derailing You from the Dating Site
Red flags should be raised if, right off the bat, they want to get you to instant message or email, taking you off of the dating site where you originally met.
Tip: Always create and use a unique email address that is different than your personal and professional addresses when setting up a dating website profile.
7. Too Serious, Too Soon
Watch out for someone rushing things. A catfish usually makes the first move, often out of left field and sometimes creates a bogus, dreamy profile that sounds like the ideal mate you’ve described in your
own dating desires. They play on your sympathy and strike when you are the most vulnerable — caught up in the romance and emotional.
8. Ask a Lot of Questions
Inquire about where they are from, and verify landmarks and spellings of cities online. Blatant errors could mean it’s a scam. Catfishers like to ask you a lot of questions, but seldom let you go deep into their lives, coming up with excuses about why they are reluctant to offer more personal information
about themselves. For example, they might say, “I’ve been hurt before by telling too much too soon,” which actually turns the tables on you to prove that you can be trusted — Red flag!
9. You Are Not an ATM Machine
If they ask for money, lock them out of your life. Shut off communication immediately, and close all open doors if you have a hint that it is a sympathy scam. Although most catfishers are not after money, this one should be a wake-up call to a scam.
10. Facebook Fakers
At this point, if someone has no Facebook page, but they are sophisticated enough to create an online dating profile, be warned.
Also look out for potential fake Facebook pages.
Signs of a fake Facebook profile can include the fact that the Facebook page was started near the same time that a dating profile elsewhere was established, if few photos are posted, or if there are no people tagged in their photos to show a connection in a relationship.
If they are on Twitter, read through historic tweets to see if the story they tell matches up to the same the person you are prospectively dating. Like Facebook, Twitter accounts created around the
same time as dating profiles should be treated with caution

When Online Dating Successful Marriage Childbirth

As a rational human being, of course you would expect evidence of any claims and promises offered by a product. Similarly, from an online dating site. We of SETIPE.COM'm happy, because it managed to give birth to four weddings for our members throughout 2014.
Let's get acquainted with a couple who broke the record of the fastest matchmaking, Delly, an extrovert man who lives in Jayapura, and Gita, a shy woman who lives in Jakarta. If we see the naked eye, there are two challenges to their relationship:
1. The distance between Jayapura - Jakarta
2. Nature shy Gita.
Beginning, Delly, who knew about SETIPE.COM of articles on Yahoo, decided to take the liberty to try online dating, and override the existing stigma. Gita, heard about SETIPE.COM from some friends, and feel that online dating is probably the right solution for him, especially because it is very shy and tend to shut down.
Their journey began.
Initially, Delly had found some recommended by SETIPE.COM match, and talking to them. "I just need to wait a few days after signing up until SETIPE.COM introduced me to several women who fit the personality and my expectations. It is fun and very easier for me, especially my work in Papua, and no woman has appealed to me here. "So Delly said, recalling his past.
While Gita says that shyness was so prevents him acquainted with others. Especially since she became very sensitive to the way people greet him. "When I saw that I was a match with a man named Delly, to be honest I'm interested, but I decided to wait for him to send a message," he admitted, confirmed that the match does not mean immediate affinity, if there is no attempt to start a conversation.
The day on which Delly send a message to Gita, arguably, was the day that changed the lives of both of them. Delly won the hearts Gita way greet fun and not scary. Gita was immediately agreed to continue with the same type messenger chats. Within three days, they finally exchanged phone numbers, and decided to start a relationship a month after that.
"I've come SETIPE.COM in January, met with Gita in February, and to date him in March. Maybe SETIPE.COM is cupid in modern times. The way it works good. "Delly said, laughing crisp.
Their relationship was getting into, though not face to face directly. Until the end of July, Delly Gita and decided to visit her family in Jakarta, as well as to talk about the wedding.
Delly steady even talking about intentions and plans with family and family Gita. At first, the two families which had been sanctioned by their relationship, especially given that they met in cyberspace. It is indeed quite understandable, considering online dating has not become something accepted by all circles. But good intentions defeat stigma, and finally the two families agree to a relationship and their plans after seeing the seriousness of both.
Now, Delly and Gita were counting the seconds to the wedding, which will unite them forever.